Affairs of the Heart
July 10th, 2010 @ 17:55 | permalink
This is not the post I thought to be writing this weekend. I though I was going to be talking about the wonderful lady I'd met but I can't see myself using any positive adjectives at the moment.
Confused? Well here goes...
Over Easter I met someone online and we have been talking to each other on IM almost every night since. To use a variety of clichés we were getting along like a house on fire, laughing at each other's small jokes - all the sort of things that people who believe themselves to be in love do.
Eventually we started trying to arrange to meet up. She lives in London and I work there so you'd have though this wouldn't be too difficult to sort out. For the record she wanted to meet up sooner but I was the more cautious party, fearing that my personal history might be an issue. When I eventually told her she said it wasn't and my final barrier to meeting her vanished. This was at the end of May.
To cut a long story short we still haven't met. By my reckoning we have arranged to meet nine times so far and each time it hasn't happened. For the first eight there has always been some excuse - illness, work etc - which was believable enough and I was willing (read stupid) enough to give her another chance. The last attempt to meet was me meeting her in Woolwich last night for dinner followed by staying at hers until Sunday morning. I stood outside of the DLR station there for just over an hour last night without seeing any sign of her. This follows me having texted her at various points to let her know I was coming as well as calling her a few times as I stood there like a bloody lemon.
Needless to say that when I got home at 2200 last night I wasn't in the best of moods. I feel as if I've been played and I'm not amused. There has been no sign of her online - either on IM or where we met - and no excuse has been offered via any medium as to why. I think I can safely say that anything we had (or I perhaps thought we had) is over.
I wouldn't mind but I'd allowed myself to let go my usual cynicism and dream as to what might have been. Thoughts of her being there when I woke up from surgery, of going for long rides together or of just cuddling on the settee... all now snuffed out like a candle.
You'll have to excuse me if I'm blunter and harsher than normal for a bit.
Demelza added…
July 11th, 2010 @ 07:58 | permalink
Meeting up with someone can be easy to arrange, and then absolutely terrifying as it approaches. The pattern of repeated postponement followed by an actual failure to turn up sounds like nerves on her part. I can identify with how she might have felt (being terrified of something she really wanted to do) though not with how she behaved.
I don't suspect this was malice on her part, just a total failure of nerve. I hope you have a happier experience soon. xx
Lucy Hailey added…
July 11th, 2010 @ 18:19 | permalink
Demelza has largely said what I was going to put. Sorry it hasn't worked out, hope the dream happens soon. x
Jess added…
July 12th, 2010 @ 13:19 | permalink
Sorry to hear this, Clarissa, really sorry. You deserve better.
Thanks all. I won't pretend I'm anything other than bitterly disappointed at the present time given how well it seemed to be going.
At some point I will have to pick myself up of the canvas and try again but I'm undoubtedly going to be more cynical about the whole process for a bit yet.
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